Nothing I Can Do About It Now

Series: Willie Knows
Three Willie Nelson songs, three different ways of looking at getting older.

[1. Funny How Time Slips Away] • [2. Nothing I Can Do About It Now] • [3. I’m Still Chasing Dreams]

Part 2 of 3: Looking back at the mistakes, regrets, and choices I can’t change—and learning to make peace with them.

Looking Back Without Living There.

A Song Hits Differently When You’re Older

Every once in a while, a song you’ve heard a hundred times suddenly sounds different.

That happened to me recently with Willie Nelson’s Nothing I Can Do About It Now.

I’ve known the song for years.

But maybe I wasn’t old enough to really hear it.

Funny how that works.

When you’re younger, you listen to a song and hear the words.

When you’re older, you sometimes hear yourself.

And this time, I heard a guy who had finally figured something out.

Not everything.

Let’s not get carried away.

Just one thing.

There are things I would change.

I just can’t change them.

I Know What I’d Do Differently

I’ve got a list.

Not a written list, thank God. I don’t need that evidence sitting around.

But it’s there.

Things I said that I wish I hadn’t.

Things I didn’t say that I wish I had.

People I should have called.

People I probably shouldn’t have trusted.

Doors I should have opened.

Doors I should have closed a lot sooner.

Decisions that looked perfectly reasonable at the time—and look completely ridiculous today.

I’ve made good decisions.

I’ve made some spectacularly bad ones.

I’ve taken chances that worked out and chances that didn’t.

I’ve worried about things that never happened and failed to worry about things that did.

I’ve been stubborn when I should have been flexible and flexible when I probably should have been stubborn.

In other words, I’ve lived.

And that’s the thing I’ve finally come to understand.

You don’t get through a long life without accumulating a few scratches.

Some are from accidents.

Some are from other people.

And some are from doing something you knew damn well you probably shouldn’t be doing.

Those are usually the ones we remember best.

The Problem With Looking Back

The older you get, the easier it becomes to look backward.

There are fewer miles ahead than there used to be, so naturally, you spend a little more time thinking about the road behind you.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

I’ve learned a lot back there.

But the rearview mirror has a purpose.

You glance at it.

You don’t drive staring into it.

I’ve spent enough time looking backward to know that regret can become a hobby if you let it.

And I’m not interested in taking up another hobby.

I’ve already got enough unfinished projects.

The past is useful.

It can teach you.

It can humble you.

It can occasionally make you laugh at the dumbass you used to be.

But it can’t be changed.

And I’ve finally decided that’s okay.

The Things I Got Right

We tend to keep a pretty good record of our mistakes.

Regret has an excellent memory.

But maybe we ought to give ourselves credit for a few things, too.

I married Jan.

That was a pretty good decision.

Forty years later, I still think so.

I’ve built a career.

I’ve worked hard.

I’ve made friends.

I’ve lost friends.

I’ve traveled.

I’ve taken some chances.

I’ve fixed things.

I’ve broken things.

I’ve remodeled things that probably didn’t need remodeling.

I’ve learned how to do things myself because I apparently don’t trust professionals as much as I trust YouTube.

I’ve made a life.

Not a perfect one.

Mine.

And when I look at it honestly, I’m pretty damn grateful.

The Younger Guy

I sometimes wonder what I’d say to the younger version of myself if I could sit across from him for an hour.

I’d probably start with:

Relax.

He wouldn’t listen.

I know because I wouldn’t listen to anybody else either.

I’d tell him some of the things he’s worried about won’t matter.

I’d tell him some of the things he doesn’t think matter, will become incredibly important.

I’d tell him to take more pictures.

Call people more often.

Say “I love you” without waiting for the right moment.

Don’t assume there’s always going to be another chance.

And don’t spend so much time trying to prove you’re right.

That last one might take a while.

The hardest thing about looking back is realizing the younger version of you didn’t have today’s information.

That’s easy to forget.

We look back with everything we know now and judge the guy who made the decisions without any of it.

That’s not entirely fair.

He was doing the best he could.

Sometimes he was smart.

Sometimes he was an idiot.

Usually, he was somewhere in between.

Just like me.

What About Forgiveness?

There’s another idea in that Willie Nelson song that hits me differently now:

Forgiveness.

I’ve learned that forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean deciding somebody was right.

Sometimes it means deciding you’re tired of carrying the argument.

Sometimes you forgive somebody who never apologized.

Sometimes you forgive somebody who isn’t around anymore.

And sometimes the guy who needs forgiveness is the one staring back from the bathroom mirror.

That’s a tough one.

We can be remarkably unforgiving toward ourselves.

We remember every stupid thing we ever did and somehow forget all the things we did right.

Maybe getting older means learning to balance the ledger.

Not erase it.

Just balance it.

No Time Machine

I’ve occasionally wondered what I’d do if somebody actually offered me a time machine.

I’d probably take it.

Let’s be honest.

I’d want to go back and see a few people.

Hear a few voices.

Experience a few moments one more time.

I’d probably change a few things, too.

That’s the dangerous part.

Because if you change one thing, you change everything that came after it.

Maybe that mistake I want to erase led to something good.

Maybe the disappointment taught me something I needed to learn.

Maybe the wrong turn put me on the road I was supposed to be on.

Maybe the life I would have chosen isn’t nearly as good as the one I actually got.

So maybe I’ll leave the time machine alone.

Besides, I have enough trouble getting the clock on the microwave to stop flashing.

I’m Still Moving

That’s really what this confession is about.

It’s not about giving up on the past.

It’s about putting it in its proper place.

Behind me.

I can remember it.

I can laugh about some of it.

I can regret some of it.

I can even wish some of it had gone differently.

But I don’t have to live there.

That’s important because I’m not finished.

I’m still curious about what’s around the next corner.

I’m still fixing things.

Still building things.

Still making plans.

Still finding something new to learn.

Still occasionally doing things that make Jan wonder when I’m finally going to act my age.

I’m beginning to suspect she may be waiting a long time.

And that’s okay.

I’ve got things left to do.

The Road Ahead

Maybe that’s the difference between getting older and growing older.

Getting older is automatic.

Growing older requires a little participation.

You learn to appreciate what you’ve got without pretending you don’t miss what you’ve lost.

You learn that some doors should stay closed.

You learn that some mistakes don’t need to be repeated just because they’re familiar.

You learn that forgiveness is lighter than resentment.

And eventually, if you’re lucky, you stop wishing you could rewrite your story.

You just try to write the next chapter a little better.

I’ve got a long list of things I’ve done.

Some I’m proud of.

Some I’m not.

Some I understand.

Some I still don’t.

I know exactly what I’d change if I could go back.

But I can’t.

And that’s okay.

The past has already had its turn.

I’m not going to spend the rest of mine arguing with it.

I’ll keep the memories.

I’ll keep the lessons.

I’ll keep a few scars.

I’ll even keep a few regrets.

They remind me that I was here.

That I took some chances.

That I loved some people.

That I screwed some things up.

That I kept going.

And now?

Well…

I’m still chasing dreams.

I’m just not chasing yesterday anymore.

There’s nothing I can do about it now.

🎵 These three songs started all of this:
[Listen to the "Lenny's Confessions: Willie Knows" playlist on Spotify]

Series: Willie Knows
[1. Funny How Time Slips Away] • [2. Nothing I Can Do About It Now] • [3. I’m Still Chasing Dreams]