The Queen, the Cheat, and the Korbel

Why Virginia stays sharp (mostly to keep an eye on Kris).

I was standing in the kitchen the other day. I was staring into the fridge. The door was wide open and the motor was humming. I had no idea why I was there.

It wasn’t just a little "brain fart." It was a total power outage. I stood there so long the little light bulb started to warm my nose. I finally just gave up and walked away. The fridge won. Again.

This happens a lot lately. I am not old, but I am not exactly a spring chicken. I am at that age where I forget the word for "toaster," but then the word screams into my head at midnight while I’m trying to sleep.

What’s worse is knowing people who are sharp as a tack. They remember names, dates, and exactly who borrowed five dollars in 1982 and never paid it back.

That brings me to my mother-in-law, Virginia. And, of course, it brings me to Jan’s sister, Kris.

The Human Hard Drive

Virginia is ninety-five. She makes the rest of us look like we’ve got brains made of mashed potatoes.

She remembers everything. House numbers, birth dates, and who married who before they realized it was a mistake. If the family loses a birth paper, we don't panic. We just call Virginia.

She is like a fast computer. You ask a question, and the answer pops up. No waiting. No "please hold." She reads the news every day. She asks big questions about the world that make me stare into my coffee and wonder if I’ve ever had a real thought of my own.

The Need for a Sheriff

Now, Virginia plays cards with her five daughters. This sounds like a nice, sweet scene. But you have to remember: these five sisters have lived together a long time. They don't forget a single fight.

And then there is Kris.

If Virginia is the Supreme Court of cards, Kris is the reason we need a police department. In this house, games are not for fun. They are more like a messy divorce case.

Kris is what you might call a "creative" card player. And by creative, I mean she treats the rules like they are just suggestions. She is a world-class cheat. She can hide a card faster than a magician, and she has a way of "forgetting" the score that always seems to help her.

When Kris loses, the weather changes. She becomes a very poor sport. The room gets cold. She might say the deck wasn't mixed right. She might say the wind blew her cards. It is a real show.

This is why Virginia has to stay so sharp. She isn't just playing for fun; she is the Sheriff. She has to watch Kris like a hawk.

"Kris," Virginia will say in a calm voice, "you didn't have that Ace a second ago."

Kris will huff. She will puff. She will act like her feelings are hurt. But Virginia just sits there, holding her brandy, waiting for the truth to come out. Without Virginia, the whole game would turn into a backyard wrestling match.

The Brandy Treaty

At the end of the day, Virginia has her one glass of Korbel brandy. We take brandy seriously in Wisconsin. It’s like a religion, but with more ice.

She sips it slow. She listens. She remembers what you said last week. She also remembers that Kris still owes the pot a quarter from the game before dinner. Her body might be tired, but her mind is still running circles around the rest of us.

The Secret

I find this comforting. It shows that staying sharp is just about paying attention. It’s about being curious. It’s about keeping an eye on your relatives so they don't steal your points.

Virginia isn't trying to be young. She’s just staying busy. Most days, that feels like the secret—even if I still can't remember why I opened the fridge.

I’ll probably figure it out at 3:00 AM. It was probably the cheese. I just hope Kris didn't eat it all and then blame Wendell.

I am not an expert. I am a generalist. I notice things.